Julia finished her last final of law school this semester this evening, so we all went out to celebrate with a late sushi dinner, at which despite the festive occasion, I was in really terrible form. After my ridiculous behavior at dinner, I had the first meltdown during this little experiment of mine. After such a healthy and productive day prior, I wonder why I was in such a bad mood. Well, I know why...
Mood: stressed, overwhelmed, flustered
Progress: Maybe I took a step back today. After a tiring day at work, I spent an hour setting up my new phone, and then went out. Then cried.
Mentally: So out of it I could barely talk. I was such bad company at dinner, I pretty much sat in the corner, drank wine and didn't say a word the whole time. A friend of Julia's joined and I hope she realized that I am not normally not like this, I swear. I just couldn't get myself into proper social behavior mode. I guess I have been keeping my feelings of stress to myself, because I know after the last couple years of traveling and working part-time, I really should not be allowed to complain about being busy. But the truth is, working full-time, plus my copywriting job, plus moving into my new house (my room is still a disaster), plus getting used to new roommates, plus the long distance from the guy I like, is really getting to me. And after my weird silent behavior, when it was just Julia, Rach and I again, it all came out in the form of tears.
Physically: All over the place. You know how when you are stressed or over-worked that is when you end up losing/breaking things? Well, after my incredibly long work day, I had to run home and change before I met the girls and as I walked in to my still-living-out-of-suitcases room, I knocked my make-shift mirror into a coffee cup from the morning and it shattered to the ground and spilled all over the floor. More stress. Oh and I think you might know that I am not eating any sweets or carbs after 3 this month, well I cheated a bit today. You really can't avoid a little rice at a sushi restaurant, I mean you can, but I didn't.
Emotionally: Exhausted, from keeping it all in and then letting it all out. Thank God for my friends who are so supportive and never once (despite my fears) made me feel bad for being over-whelmed with my new life situation.
Thoughts About Turning 30: The breakdown wasn't so much about turning 30, but more about moving, breaking up, working and having so much stuff on my plate. Definitely hope to be out of this state before the big day though.
Photo from This Isn't Happiness.
On Going Home
3 hours ago